Kamikaze
by TheSilverSleeper
Summary: "This time you've gone too far. You'll pay, Merlin." And he would. AU 5.11 The Drawing of the Dark. Prompt-fill from RP911.


**A/N: I apparently have Mordred on the mind lately. Here's another Mordred fic, one that is actually filling a prompt request by RP911 (I didn't forget them, I swear!) This is an AU of 5.11, because we all know there was no way Gwaine and Leon could actually let the fight between Merlin and Mordred go that easily.**

**Or at least that's what it started out as. Then suddenly things happened and it became this and I'm sorry and I don't know what happened.**

**Disclaimer: Just be glad I don't own Merlin.**

* * *

Gwaine was headed to the armoury to gear up for a practice round when he heard it. The angry hiss of voices trying and failing not to be overheard. It was coming from around the corner. That wasn't too odd. After all he'd broken up his fair share of quarrels in his day, and he knew the castle wasn't sacred ground against them. He was just about to suggest he and Leon perhaps backtrack and take a roundabout route when he heard it.

"This time you've gone too far. You'll pay, Merlin."

Gwaine glanced quickly at Leon to confirm he hadn't been hearing things. Someone was threatening Merlin. There was no way Gwaine was going to stand for that.

The pair hurried around the corner to find Merlin backed up against a wall. He looked oddly calm for someone who had just been blatantly intimidated. Even more strange was the identity of his enemy. Mordred. In stark contrast to Merlin, the young knight fairly seethed.

"What's going on?" Gwaine demanded. He tried to keep mimic Merlin and act as calm as possible, though he wasn't sure how well he succeeded. Maybe this was all a misunderstanding.

The two spun to look at their visitors, their eyes betraying surprise and a good bit of anger at being interrupted.

Right. Not a misunderstanding.

"What's this about?"

Now they were back to glaring at each other, expressions hard as steel. A cold understanding seemed to be exchanged between them. Gwaine shuddered. He didn't know Mordred very well -even less than he'd thought apparently- but he'd never seen that look on Merlin before.

"Nothing," Mordred grit out. It was clear he meant it, too. Merlin was nothing to him. With that he made his exit, shoving past the two older knights.

Gwaine decided to let him go and stepped a bit closer to his friend. "Merlin?" He didn't ask if he was alright. Merlin would probably feign offence and demand they stop treating him like a girl.

Merlin straightened his jacket and neckerchief and gave what was probably supposed to be a reassuring, carefree smile. "Nothing." He confirmed, and walked off in the opposite direction.

The grin didn't reach his hollow eyes.

* * *

"Arthur, we need to talk to you."

The king looked up from the maps on the table. He was exhausted. He and Percival had been going over the trade route for hours, doing everything they could to ensure it was secure after this last attack. Of course they could have been done a while ago. He tried not to admit to himself he was avoiding the trial to come, the sentencing of the young girl who had tried to kill him last night.

"What is it, Gwaine?" he sighed. Whatever his knights had come to talk to him about, he could tell he wasn't going to like it. His own luck lately would have convinced him of that even if it weren't for the solemn looks on their faces.

"It's Merlin."

Arthur was instantly alert. Something had been off with his servant for a while now. If anyone had any hints on what it could be, he was more than open to them.

Leon shuffled anxiously on his feet, but Gwaine looked resolute as he said, "We just came across him and Mordred in the corridor. Mordred's been threatening him."

Arthur gaped, and he could sense Percival doing the same beside him. Not only was the young druid perhaps the most gentle, if overly passionate, soul he'd met since Percival himself, but even Arthur couldn't think of anything Merlin had or would do that would earn such wrath. Merlin was more innocent than a puppy.

"What do you mean, 'threatening him?'" Arthur asked carefully. His knights were as zealous in their protection of Merlin as he was. It was possible they'd taken a friendly bit of banter out of context. "What exactly did he do?"

"I believe his exact words were 'you'll pay,' sire. He said that Merlin had gone too far this time." Leon answered.

"We tried to come in banners waving to defend him, but Merlin just shrugged us off like nothing happened. In fact, that's what both him and Mordred insisted, that it was nothing. As if we couldn't see with our own eyes that they were about to rip each other's gizzards out. If I have to say one thing for him, at least Merlin didn't look like he'd been cowed by it all."

Arthur winced at the description of the showdown. Of course Merlin wasn't afraid. No matter how many times Arthur or even his father had yelled at him, he had never given in nor backed down. It was one of his most frightening traits, actually. Arthur had lived in abject fear of the day Merlin talked back to the wrong person, someone who wasn't so inclined to forgive.

Arthur dragged a hand through his hair. "Gwaine, bring Merlin here immediately. I want you to escort him the entire way. Don't tell him why, he'll just brush you off again. I want eyes on Mordred. Leon, take care of that. Don't confront him, not yet. I want to talk to Merlin first. This could really be nothing."

"Yes, sire." His knights filed out the door after their respective quarries. Arthur turned to Percival. "Take these to Lamorak. He's in charge of escorting the next shipment. And then maybe... find Guinevere? She's better at this sort of thing than I am."

Arthur fell into the chair at his desk. Couldn't he catch a break? Couldn't Merlin for two minutes just stay out of trouble?

This development shouldn't surprise him, not really. The first time Merlin had caught sight of Mordred, he'd glared at the boy. He'd continued to give him the cold shoulder every moment after that -although in his defence, Mordred _was_ taking them to be sold as a slave to Morgana. Arthur had realized just how deep the grudge for this action ran when Merlin barked at him to kill the boy, then became cross that Arthur had refused, even after Mordred made it clear he wasn't going to come after them.

Merlin had mostly avoided the boy since he'd been made a knight, but Arthur hadn't missed the occasional hostile grimace Merlin would throw Mordred's way. But until now it had all seemed very one-sided. If anything Mordred just appeared hurt and confused by the treatment.

Was that what he meant in his accusation? Merlin had gone too far with his inexplicable antipathy? Were Arthur and his knights sided against the wrong person? But what could Merlin have possibly done...?

The door to his chambers opened and Gwaine entered, followed by a confused and slightly annoyed looking Merlin. Arthur had to wonder what he'd pulled the servant away from. Any other time he would have automatically assumed it was one of his numerous chores, but now? Now he wondered if Merlin spent his time plotting against green knights.

"Sit, Merlin."

"Thanks anyway, but I feel like this is one of those times I need to be standing."

"That wasn't a request, Merlin." _What exactly did Gwaine tell him to get him to come here?_

"That's what worries me," Merlin muttered under his breath, but he sat.

Guinevere entered then, concern clear on her face. Merlin turned to glance at her with an eye roll.

"Oh, gods, this isn't some kind of intervention, is it?"

"I don't know," Arthur responded, steepling his fingers on the wood of his desk. "Have you done something you need intervening on?"

Merlin snorted. "Shouldn't we be doing this for Gwaine and his drinking instead? Or how 'bout you and the obnoxious stress levels you've been putting yourself under? Honestly, Arthur, lately I've been worried you're going to have a heart attack, and then where will Camelot be?"

And he looked so genuinely concerned about Arthur's health that the king couldn't take it anymore. "Could you both please leave us for a moment?" He didn't take his eyes off Merlin as he said it.

Merlin's distress grew as the other two exited the room without argument. "You're not... Arthur, please tell me you're alright."

Arthur gave a pained sighed and hung his head, unable to keep eye contact with his friend. Whatever this was, it couldn't be Merlin's fault, he was sure of it. "No, Merlin, I'm not okay. I'm not okay because I just had to hear that you're in trouble."

"What kind of trouble?" The concern faded a bit, but now panic and a tiny bit of fear seemed to flash through his eyes.

"Merlin," he said softly. "What happened between you and Mordred?"

The change was so lightning fast Arthur was surprised Merlin didn't have emotional whiplash. The servant's face hardened, everything from before replaced with stoic anger. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Merlin, Gwaine and Leon saw you. They heard what he said. Please. I just want to help you."

Merlin softened a bit, but shook his head resolutely. "They heard wrong. Nothing happened between us. We were merely talking."

"Then why did they tell me Mordred threatened you?"

"He was relating something Morgana said after he stabbed her. He's worried she'll seek revenge. I was simply reassuring him he had Camelot at his back should that ever happen."

There was a moment of silence. Arthur almost laughed, but he was too broken to even think about it. Merlin was worried about him having a heart attack. Right now his heart hurt so badly he wouldn't be surprised if he did.

"Why are you lying to me, Merlin?"

He asked it calmly, quietly. He knew Merlin. If Arthur wasn't careful, his friend would bolt. Gwen and Gwaine were likely still at the door to stop him, but if they had to restrain him, any hope of finding out what had happened would be lost.

"I'm not lying." Merlin's reply was just as quiet. His expression had slipped towards pleading now.

"I can't just let this go, Merlin. Please, tell me why Mordred was threatening to make you pay."

Merlin squirmed in his seat. For a moment Arthur was afraid he was going to deny the allegations again, or worse. But then he just closed his eyes and heaved a sigh. "I can't tell you."

"Nothing will happen to you, Merlin, I promise. He won't be able to harm you."

"It's not me I'm worried about," Merlin grumbled under his breath, low enough Arthur was certain he wasn't meant to hear it. Louder he said, "I appreciate the concern. But I'm fine, sire, I promise. Now if you'll excuse me, I have chores to finish." He stood, bowed and walked towards the door –the one to the servants' stair, Arthur noted, not the main one where Gwaine and Gwen lurked.

"I mean it, Merlin. You're safe. I won't let anything happen to you."

Merlin turned and gave a small smile back at him. "I know you won't."

* * *

At the sentencing Arthur noted Merlin and Mordred stood on opposite sides of the large chamber, passing heated glares at each other when they thought no one was looking. Gwaine took the opportunity to station himself right at Mordred's side. Nothing was going to happen obviously in front of the gathered court, but it made Arthur feel better anyway. He tried to catch Merlin's eye, but it only resulted in the servant shuttering himself off and backing into the shadows.

Somehow he got through the trial. It was obvious the girl was brainwashed by Morgana. She practically sounded like she was reading off a script. But Arthur had no choice. She had pulled a knife on him.

As the guards took her away back to her cell, Arthur cast one last glance at Mordred before he dismissed the court.

The hatred was gone now, replaced with a strange mix of sadness and confusion.

* * *

Arthur kept Merlin by his side the rest of the day.

"I don't need a nursemaid," he snapped when Arthur told him to sharpen his sword in his chambers instead of the armoury.

Arthur ignored him. "And when you're done that, my fireplace could do with a scrub."

"I mean it, Arthur. Mordred isn't going to do anything to me."

"I believe you."

Merlin looked up, startled. "You do?"

"Oh yes. I believe that you don't need a nursemaid. That's why you've got me instead." He beamed comically.

"I swear, I'll just leave. I'll go back to Gaius, and you can do your own blasted chores."

"And I can throw you in the dungeons for insubordination to your king. Come to think of it, that's a lovely idea. Then you'll be under night and day supervision. Then I can finally stop worrying about you.

Merlin scowled and returned to sharpening the blade with a vengeance. Arthur had no doubt he was fantasizing about using it to chop the king's head off. Merlin had gotten crosser and crosser as the day went on.

_If the idiot wants so badly to show he can take care of himself, maybe he could show a bit of self-preservation once in a while!_

Oddly enough, just as Arthur was finally about to dismiss Merlin for the night –with an escort, of course –it was Mordred himself who stormed into Arthur's quarters. "Sire, I need to speak with you."

_And I with you._ But it wasn't like he could confront the young knight. With Merlin still not admitting to anything, it was all just hearsay. After all, there could be no crime without a victim. He certainly couldn't punish someone for simply not liking another. Why, if that was the case, he'd've had to arrest Merlin ages ago.

"Speak then, Sir Mordred," he allowed, keeping his voice bland.

Mordred paused and looked towards Merlin, who had come forward in curiosity. The young druid looked oddly pained for a moment as the two locked gazes. Then Mordred hung his head, and Merlin's eyes widened in horror. He shook his head minutely, but vigorously.

"Sire…" Mordred appeared even more hesitant and distressed now, and Merlin began backing away slowly. Arthur tensed at the reaction. Gwaine had said Merlin wasn't afraid of Mordred's threat, but he sure looked it now. "Sire… Merlin has magic."

Arthur stood, holding back his outrage. So this was Mordred's punishment. Unfortunately for him the king was on to his games. "That is a heavy allegation, Sir Mordred. Can you back up such claims?" There. No one could accuse another of a crime without cause, not even a servant.

Especially not _Arthur's_ servant.

To his surprise, Mordred nodded. But then, he would have come prepared if his need for vengeance was as strong as Gwaine and Leon had hinted. "I know because I have magic, too, sire. We can sense it in each other. I have known about Merlin's magic since I was a boy, the first moment I laid eyes on him."

That knocked Arthur off centre. He had been expecting an outlandish claim that Mordred had seen Merlin turning people into newts, or maybe even an accusation of him of working with the girl in his cells. But for Mordred to back up his charge by admitting to the same crime?

"Merlin?"

Merlin stumbled forward, looking like he'd just been slapped. He was deathly pale, his body trembling.

"Merlin," Arthur said softly, "I promised I wouldn't let any harm come to you. But you have to tell me now what happened between you."

But Mordred got there first. "I was the one who helped the druid girl. Merlin knew. I asked him not to say anything. He hid that from you at my request."

That was a shock, though not nearly as much of one as the last revelation; Mordred was a druid too, of course he would be sympathetic towards them. At least there was one mystery solved. But the confrontation between them had happened _after _the girl was captured.

"She is sentenced to die. She is innocent of anything but being twisted by the will of Morgana. Merlin, however, is guilty of concealing the secret of his sorcery, as am I. We have both lied to you, but no more. If any deserve to be hanged in the morning, it is us."

Arthur blinked, trying to swallow down his own growing terror. So that was the endgame.

It seemed if Mordred was going down, he was taking Merlin with him.

"Merlin," he tried again, practically pleading with his friend now, "this is nothing but his word. Please, tell me what's going on. We can pretend this never happened."

_Tell me. Why did you hate him all this time? Why does he hate you so much?_

"He's telling the truth."

And it seemed if Merlin was going down, he was taking Arthur with him too.

* * *

"_Arthur!_" The doors of his chambers burst open to reveal a livid Gwaine. "Just what do you think you're doing, princess? Why did I just see Merlin being dragged off to the dungeons?"

"He wasn't dragged," Arthur mumbled into his hands. "He went willingly."

Gwaine took in the scene before him, a defeated king being comforted by his silently crying queen. But if it incited any pity in him, he didn't show it. "What are you talking about? What, is this your brilliant plan now? Lock him up so he can't even run away if Mordred goes after him?"

Arthur moaned as he remembered suggesting just that –though with nicer intentions– to Merlin earlier. "He can't. Mordred's locked up, too."

Now Gwaine paused. "… What did he do? He didn't actually attack Merlin, did he? He can't have, because then you would know that anything Merlin did he did in self-defence, not have him arrested for it. And Merlin sure wouldn't go willingly if you did. You can't tell me he didn't put in a word for his own defence."

Arthur nearly launched out of his chair at the knight. "Actually, I can, because he bloody well didn't!" He snapped, then fell back into his chair and dropped his head to the table.

Gwen wrapped her arms more tightly around him. "I'm sorry, Gwaine. He doesn't mean it. Well, he means it, but not like it's coming out. It's not your fault."

Her voice cracked, and then it was her in need of comforting as she collapsed into tears.

"What happened?" Gwaine whispered, almost to himself, as it seemed his monarchs were in no state to answer.

"Just go… go talk to Merlin, please," Arthur insisted instead. "Ask him… _tell him_ not to make me do this."

* * *

Gwaine was afraid to go down to the dungeons. Arthur and Gwen were clearly distraught over what had happened. He wasn't sure he wanted to know what Merlin had done that had led them to such a state.

He really didn't want to know what it was Arthur didn't want to do.

Gwaine asked the guard to point him to Merlin's cell. Apparently he and Mordred had been separated as far as possible. With such measures, Gwaine expected to find Merlin beaten to a bloody pulp. Or at the very least, given Arthur's reaction, mildly upset. But there he was, sitting calmly against the back wall, eyes closed, face passive. As if he were up in the physician's quarters resting while Gaius roasted chicken over the fire.

"Merlin?"

The servant didn't twitch. "Hello, Gwaine."

Gwaine swallowed hard at the calm tone. He went with a joking manner. "Something wrong with your own bed, mate? I know it's not exactly luxury, but I can tell you from experience it's better than that floor."

"Did Arthur tell you what happened?" Still he made no move to even open his eyes.

The knight shook his head anyway. "No… he said to come ask you. Didn't really seem in the mood to talk himself."

Now Merlin winced. He slowly opened eyes that were filled with as much pain as the king's voice. His voice was level, though, when he said, "Tell him I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt him."

"What happened, mate? What did you do?"

"I told him I was a sorcerer," he replied simply. Gwaine reeled back, stunned. Whatever he had expected, it wasn't that. "Well, to be fair, Mordred told him I was a sorcerer. I just didn't deny it."

"And why in the name of the Rising Sun wouldn't you deny it?" Gwaine shouted. Arthur was right, Merlin was an idiot. More than an idiot. Yes, he needed to be locked up, but not because he was a danger to others; he was a danger to himself.

Merlin just shrugged. "Because it's true. Mordred's one, too, in case you didn't hear. He had to out himself to out me."

_"You'll pay, Merlin."_ Merlin was paying, all right, but this… this price was too high.

Gwaine remembered Arthur's plea. Now it was his own, too. "No one can prove that it's true unless you prove it yourself. You can still deny it. Tell Arthur this is just Mordred out to get you. He knows about Mordred's threats; he'll believe you. He _wants_ to believe you."

"I can't do that. I'm sorry." Then he closed his eyes again, ending the conversation.

Rushed footsteps from behind him signalled the approach of someone else. "Merlin, you foolish boy! This has gone too far!"

Gaius stuck a set of keys –Gwaine wasn't exactly sure where he'd gotten them –into the lock and strode over to his ward, gripping him by the shoulder and giving him a firm shake. Merlin opened his eyes again and glared up at the physician.

"What were you thinking, boy? No, forget that, we both know very well that you weren't. Go and talk to Arthur, now! If you're lucky, he'll be willing to listen even after such a stunt."

"No, Gaius." Merlin ripped himself away from the touch.

"What exactly do you hope to accomplish here, hmm? You think everything will be solved by you putting your own head on the chopping block?"

"It's not my head that matters here." _What does that mean?_

"Yes, and I'm sure Morgana will be ever so pleased to hear you threw yourself into the lion's den without her having to lift a finger! Arthur will certainly be so much safer with you out of the way."

"Arthur will be _safer_ once _he's_ out of the way," Merlin grit back.

"Merlin–"

"_No_, Gaius," Merlin repeated. He softened just the slightest bit, but his expression remained resolute. "If I say that the charges against me are lies, than that leads to the charges against Mordred being considered lies. I can't let that happen. I _have_ to do this."

Gwaine gaped. "You hate magic so much you're willing to let yourself be killed to get rid of one measly sorcerer?"

The pair swung to face him, clearly having forgotten he was there. Merlin looked a little sadder now than angry. Something clicked. "You hate _Mordred_ so much you're willing to let yourself be killed."

As horrifying as that was, what was even worse was Merlin had just as much admitted before that Mordred had had the same plan. What was going on between those two?

"I'm not letting you do this, mate. I'm telling Arthur that's why you're lying about having magic."

Merlin's eyes widened in panic. "Don't, Gwaine. Please."

"Merlin, Arthur is up there _begging_ for a reason not to kill you. He'll accept anything, a lover's quarrel, a bet, you were _bored_! Just say the word and you'll be free and clear."

The servant let a small growl of frustration. "I'm _doing_ this _for him!_"

"_Merlin_–" Gaius warned, but Gwaine stopped him.

"Oh, no, he's going to tell me. If I'm even going to _think_ about letting you do this –which let me tell you, mate, is a chance so far away the sun can't even see it– I want to know _everything._ No more secrets, no more lies. And if I'm not one hundred percent satisfied with your little tale, then I'm letting Arthur drag your little scheming arse out of here and to hell with Mordred."

Gwaine locked eyes with his friend so there would be no doubt he was completely serious. Merlin tried to keep up his front, but it was clear he was crumbling. His voice was steady, though, when he said, "Mordred is going to kill Arthur."

Gwaine let out an exasperated groan. "Then why don't you just say that, you dolt!" He was beyond the point where the news that Mordred was planning regicide was a surprise anymore. "You think anyone would just go ahead and let him do that?"

"You mean like they did with Agravaine?" There was bitter hurt there, and Gwaine sank to a crouch in understanding. He'd been the one to go with Merlin to Kemeray to rescue Gaius after Arthur had chosen to believe his uncle over a servant. "Or like with the Lamia? I knew about Morgana, too, but she still succeeded in hiding in plain sight.

"I have no proof, Gwaine. No one has any reason to believe me. So it's up to me to stop him, by any means necessary. I will not let Arthur die."

The knight watched his friend as he closed his eyes once more, attempting to shut out the world that had never paid him mind. Gaius had tears in his eyes, but he said nothing, either to dissuade his foster son or to refute his claims. Instead he smoothed the young man's hair with a hand.

When he finally spoke it was just to say, "I'll bring you some parchment so you can write your mother."

Gaius didn't lock the cell door behind him, so Gwaine still sat opposite his old friend. It was clear that this time he would be getting no more out of him. Merlin's face was serene, his body relaxed, like he was at peace with his decision.

But Gwaine knew better. He was as guilty as the rest when it came to not listening to the servant, but he was not going to commit the sin any longer, not if he could help it. And it just so happened that it was listening to what Merlin _wasn't_ saying that spoke the loudest. Gwaine wondered if he even realized he was avoiding it.

"Well, you're right." He got slowly to his feet. "Mordred is going to kill Arthur. But if you think this is avoiding that fate, that's where you're wrong. By forcing him to kill you, Mordred is getting exactly what he wants. So congratulations, Merlin. You saved the king's life, but let Mordred destroy his soul."

* * *

The creaking of metal woke Merlin. He wasn't sure when he had fallen asleep tormented by Gwaine's last words, but he was sure it wasn't long ago. His eyes snapped open to see two shadows at the open door of his cell. One of them stepped forward to reveal Mordred.

"**Emrys, I'm sorry. I had to do it. I needed to buy time.**"

Merlin ignored him. Mordred had said much the same back in Arthur's chambers when this whole fiasco had begun.

"**Come with us. There's no need for you to stay here anymore. I know now you did not betray me before. Arthur has proven he will not change, not for anyone.**"

Merlin glared. "He will," he insisted, pointedly speaking out loud. He was nothing like Mordred; any connection fate granted them was meaningless. "He already has. Arthur is bound by the law. You exploited that when you told him about our magic. You wanted him to do this. But laws can change, Mordred. People change." He switched his gaze to Kara on that point. She squirmed slightly under his scrutiny.

Softer Merlin continued, "You went to Morgana expecting her to be the same woman you once knew when you were a child. You turned on her because you learned that was not so. Now the same thing is happening again, and this time you refuse to accept it."

"Kara is not Morgana!" Mordred snapped, grabbing the girl's hand and squeezing it tightly.

"No, but she's working for her, isn't she. She spouts the same rhetoric, maintains the same unyielding fervour. There was once a time you risked your life to save Arthur's. Now she tries to take it, and you defend her?"

Mordred's eyes narrowed in rage, but his face was calculating. "I told you that love was more important than power. I am willing to give up the chance to wield my power without fear one day. I am _not_ willing to give up on the one I love. Kara is _not_ who you think she is."

"And Arthur is not who you think _he_ is. But if you betray him, he will never forgive you. He's been burned too many times before."

"Perhaps he should have thought about that before he sentenced me to burn too."

With that Mordred swept out of the cell, taking Kara with him. Merlin hung his head in defeat.

Then he snapped it back up. It wasn't over yet. So long as Arthur was alive, Merlin could save him.

He stood and walked out of the cell. He would never be able to return after this. But then, he wouldn't need to. He would prevent Arthur's death, and then his job would be done.

He found Mordred not far outside the city walls. From there it was easier than breathing. This was what he was meant to do all along.

Without a glance back, Merlin stepped over the fallen bodies and walked away from Camelot. When the ban against magic was repealed two weeks later, he found Morgana and informed her in much the same way that the war was over.

But he never returned for fear Arthur could still see the bloodstains on his hands.


End file.
